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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529340">new year's resolution</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbyhjuns/pseuds/bbyhjuns'>bbyhjuns</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cravity (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I love angst, M/M, sorry - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:26:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,344</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbyhjuns/pseuds/bbyhjuns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it's a new year and woobin makes a resolution to let go and forget all of the things that held him back in the year before - one of them being serim.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allen Ma/Park Serim/Seo Woobin, Park Serim &amp; Seo Woobin, Park Serim/Seo Woobin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>new year's resolution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this writing came about because i was listening to conan gray's heather which explains the angst,, you can listen to the song while reading it! here we go &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the park is exceptionally lively this very night: on the grass patches laid groups of people sprawled over their picnic mats, enjoying the abundance of food they had brought. the stars are also shining extremely bright this night, and amidst the cold air everything just seemed so warm in this atmosphere.</p><p>not for woobin though, he is wrapped up in his hoodie, hood up and hands tucked into his pockets. he then lets out a big breath and observed the clouds that came out from his mouth. pursing his lips, he continues taking a stroll down the pathway, observing the many people around him.</p><p>from the side of his eye he takes notice of the mini food cart sitting in the corner. then checking the loose change he has lying in his hoodie, he makes his way towards the cart.</p><p>cheeseballs and spicy rice cakes.</p><p>woobin sighs as soon as he reads the menu sitting atop the cart. the cart lady flashes him a smile and asks, "what can i get you, handsome man?" </p><p>woobin snaps out of his daze and clears his throat before pointing towards the cheeseballs, "two cheeseballs, thanks."</p><p>he then takes the plate of cheeseballs with both hands and thanks the lady again before taking a sit down at the nearest bench. </p><p>
  <i>"come on... give it a bite, you won't regret it" serim stares at woobin with puppy-like eyes, holding out the cheeseball up to woobin's mouth. woobin, not one who enjoyed eating dairy-related stuff at all, shook his head firmly once more.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"please?" serim continues whining, now a pout appearing on his face. woobin's heart immediately softens and then sighs before taking a small bite from the cheeseball.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>he watched as serim stared at him in excitement, "so how is it? it's good right? that's why i love it so much" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin said nothing but a smile appeared on his face, finding a sense of content in how such a simple thing such as a cheeseball could make serim happy. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>he then nodded his head, "yeah it is, you're right"</i>
</p><p>woobin takes a bite out of the cheeseball and then shakes his head after, letting out a small scoff at himself. he looks down at the cheeseball again and mumbles to himself, "never would have thought i'd end up liking and eating these so much... all thanks to you"</p><p>he feels his heart sink a little, but he takes a deep breath before finishing up the food, observing the people around him once again. </p><p>at that instance, a group of students - who seemed like foreigners - speaking in english walked by.</p><p>woobin sighs as he feels his heart sink once again.</p><p>
  <i>woobin raised his eyebrows at serim, waiting for him to introduce the unfamiliar face sitting beside him.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim then smiles and holds the man beside him on his shoulders, "this is allen, he's here for exchange and i thought i would- or we can help him get used to korea you know?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>allen holds his hand out and woobin shakes it politely before nodding and smiling at him, "oh that's nice, i'm woobin!"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>allen smiles and then turns to serim, "you said you have somewhere you want to bring me to?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin watches from the side and waits for serim's answer. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"oh yeah! it's this cafe i always go to, it's my favourite hehe i'm sure you'd like it too" serim replies with the same bright expression on his face. he then turns to woobin and continues, "the one you always bring me to? mind if i bring allen too?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin pauses for a second then nods his head, replying with a "sure, of course". he then gives a small pat on allen's back, "i'm sure you'll like it too"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>so that afternoon, the three spent their time at the place woobin used to call his and serim's favourite spot. with someone else now added to their friendship, woobin did not know then that things would turn the way it would months down. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>as he watched serim and allen chat happily together that afternoon, he did nothing else but enjoy the two's company, simply happy with how serim looked with his new friend.</i>
</p><p>woobin purses his lips again and plays with his fingers, deep in his thoughts and memories. even after months, he doesn't understand why everything remains so vividly in his mind, no matter how hard he tried to bury them. he lifts his phone up to look at the time - 11:37pm. </p><p>"23 more minutes... i will do it this time round" he mumbles to himself again. </p><p>a cold wind breeze blows, the tree leaves now rustling and shaking even harder. </p><p>the couple who is sitting opposite on the bench across woobin huddles closer together and he watches how the man removes his jacket to cover his partner.</p><p>he looks away and then stares at the stars in the sky.</p><p>
  <i>woobin smiles proudly to himself as he looks at the bottle of drink in his hand again - serim's favourite. the smile remains on his face as he knocks on the door to serim's door, eager to see him after not being able to the past few weeks.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>to his surprise, allen opens the front door instead, wearing serim's favourite black furry jacket - the one he wouldn't even let woobin wear. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>allen's eyes light up and he has an equally surprised on his face, "oh woobin! we weren't expecting you" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin feels a tint of jealously suffice from within, but he doesn't let it show on his face and feigns a smile instead, "oh i wasn't expecting you here either haha... where's serim?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>allen then invites woobin in, as though it's his own house before replying, "oh he's in the bathroom changing, he said it's too cold so-"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>at that moment, serim comes out from the bathroom wearing his thick bathrobe and pajama pants, face lighting up at the sight of woobin. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"omg hi woobin what are you doing here?" serim asks, hugging woobin, in which he returns as always. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin passes the now forgotten drink to him then fakes a smile again, "you said you were busy with school work the past few weeks and we haven't hung out so i thought i'd come over to help...." he then turns to allen and continues softly, "didn't know you already had company haha"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim pouts, then ruffles woobin's hair, "aw that's so sweet of you..." he continues when woobin doesn't reply, "i've been struggling with this english assignment i'm doing.. allen here has made life easier for me"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>allen lets out a chuckle, earning a smile from serim.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin's eyes dart from serim's big smile to allen's similar grin, then bites his lips as he feels another tinge of sadness and jealousy. "that's great" he replies softly to serim.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>he used to call woobin for help with english too.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>he then points at the jacket allen is wearing and sacarstically asks, "i thought you said you'd never let anyone else wear it?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim raises his eyebrows then nervously laughs, "oh he said he was cold so i just grabbed the nearest jacket i had in my closet... i was kidding about that"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin simply nods but he feels his heart sink. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>the other time woobin had jokingly removed the jacket from serim's closet to try it on, he had earned a session of nagging and whining from the older, saying how it's so precious to him and that he wouldn't let anyone else wear it, not even his best friend.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>he turns to see allen snuggling in the coziness of the jacket and then to serim's constant stare at allen. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"why are you lying serim?" woobin thinks to himself.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>at that moment, woobin got a grasp of everything. it was also that moment where a part of woobin's world collasped - the world he had always pictured with serim. but he doesn't say anything. he watches how happy serim looks when he talks to allen and he doesn't do anything at all. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>simply, he comes up with the excuse that he had something urgent to attend to and just like that, he left the two alone. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>the journey on the way back had never felt more lonely to woobin, and in his mind were clouds filled with thousands of thoughts. his heart ached for the whole afternoon, and the next thing he knew, tears were already falling down his cheeks.</i>
</p><p>he feels tears welling up in his eyes again, but he bites his lips, trying his best to hold them back. his eyes shift from star to star, and soon the loud chatter and screams from the crowd takes over the silence in his heart again.</p><p>he takes a deep breath in and exhales before standing up from the bench and walking down the pathway, towards the crowd in front.</p><p>a singer is performing a song on the stage, and many others are raving and jumping along to the music. woobin squeezes through the crowd and stands there, taking in the loud music and feeling the vibrations from the ground.</p><p>he lets the music sink in, but his mind wanders off to another place once again.</p><p>
  <i>"hey woobin... sorry to call you this late but are you free to meet now?" serim says from the other line. woobin looks at the clock that read 1:36am and then to the pajamas he was wearing. he was already tucked in his blankets, ready to go to bed. but he lets out a big breath and replies serim, "yeah i am, what's up?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim then continues, "i just need your help with some things.. thanks so much, wanna come over?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin, now already leaving his bed, hums in reply. he takes a look at his own reflection in the mirror and then sighs at how pathetic he looked. but it felt like the old days again - serim calling woobin whenever he needed help and woobin being down to always help him. for once in a few months, he felt needed by serim again. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>if serim had called woobin this late into the night, it must be a very important issue right? </i>
</p><p>
  <i>he clears the thoughts from his mind and grabs his car keys before rushing out of his apartment.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim opens the door; no sight of allen this time round. his eyes look tired, but he still welcomes woobin with a smile. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"hey.. it's been long since i last saw you, busy with school?" serim asks, passing a cup of water to him.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin takes a sip from the cup and nods his head, "yeah, i'm sorry. but you've been busy too right?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>but he knows he's been spending time with allen all these while.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim nods his head and a sad expression appears on his face, "yeah.. i'm sorry ruby, we haven't had time to hang out as much anymore" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin's heart immediately softens at the sound of the nickname, and at that moment it felt as though the sadness and jealousy he had felt the past months faded away. a smile appears on his face, then he places his hand atop serim's, "it's okay... we can always hang out again, like before. maybe when the semester ends we'd have more time then"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim smiles in return and nods his head. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"so.. what was it that you needed help with?" woobin asks, his mood now a little lighter.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim then replies with a "oh right" before standing up from his seat and making his way to his room, woobin watching and waiting patiently.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>returning with his laptop in his hands, he then sets it down on the table and turns it to face woobin. the younger takes a look at the screen and on it sits an abundance of green boxes. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"what's this? you're composing a song?" woobin asks, eyes lighting up at serim. he remembers how he had spend 4 hours back then teaching serim how to use the programme.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>he then watches as serim tilts his head down shyly as his cheeks start turning a slight pink.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"yeah... i'm doing this for allen..."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin's facial expression immediately falls, and he feels the familiar cloud of sadness slowly take over his mood. he doesn't say anything but waits for serim to continue.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"i'm planning to confess to him tomorrow... oh- today... with this song"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>a sting to his heart comes immediately. he bites his tongue and takes a deep breath in.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>softly, he mumbles in reply, "oh.... that's great, what do you need help with then?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim, clueless about how woobin was feeling, just smiled and pointed at the screen, "i feel like some beats are off so i thought i could seek help from the very one whom i learnt to compose songs from"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin fakes a small smile but the tears in eyes are slowly forming. he quickly turns away from serim and focuses his attention to the screen, "yeah of course". he then presses the play button and soon serim's sweet voice took over the silence in the room. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin, now unable to hold back his tears anymore, wipes his eyes as soon as he feels a tear drop. serim, who notices this, immediately asks him what is wrong.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>simply, woobin shakes his head and lies, "i'm sorry, i'm just a little tired haha my eyes are just teary, don't worry."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim, who nods and ruffles woobin's hair right after, thinks nothing of this and shifts his attention back to asking woobin for help.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>that night, every small little hope that woobin held onto just shattered into pieces. he knew this day would come - just not this soon.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>crying didn't even help at all, and though he had spent the night over at serim's that night, it didn't feel the same as before. woobin knew that the moment he stepped out of serim's door the next morning, nothing would be the same anymore.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>yet, he said nothing and held everything in. instead, he wished serim the best of luck for his confession. after all, all this while, seeing serim happy was more than enough for woobin.</i>
</p><p>woobin lets the tears fall now and doesn't hold them back. he lets out a small scoff as the tears keep on falling. </p><p>"maybe i should have said something then.." he says to himself, his heart now aching.</p><p>the audience is cheering loudly but somehow it all gets drowned out in woobin's ears. </p><p>"but would it have changed anything?" he continues. he then looks at his phone once again - 11:49pm. </p><p>he looks up to the many smiles of the people around him.</p><p>"maybe it wouldn't have."</p><p>
  <i>woobin braces himself before knocking on the door again. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>this time, allen opens it again, as expected. he gives a small smile to woobin, then lets him in, "he's on the couch, i'll leave you two alone"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin simply nods and enters.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>on the couch sat serim with his eyebrows furrowed, a look of concern on his face. he looks up immediately to meet woobin's eyes as soon as he enters, then pats on the empty seat next to him.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>there's an air of awkwardness between the two and for once in their 8 years of knowing each other, none of them knew what to say to each other.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim clears his throat then breaks the silence, "how have you been?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin simply replies, "i've been fine." silence takes over again.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim frowns, then takes in a big breath before asking again, "tell me woobin, why have you been ignoring me?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin lifts his head up to look at the older, then shakes his head and replies, "i've been busy"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"no you haven't, why are you lying to me?" serim cuts him off.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin sighs then closes his eyes. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"tell me woobin, if there's anything i did wrong, let me know so i can fix it. i want to fix this friendship."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"but what if the problem lies with me and not you?" woobin shoots back, his voice shaking.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim stares at him startled, but he sighs and continues, "then tell me still. we can solve this"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin shakes his head and soon his tears are falling down. he tries to catch his breath, but it only quickened the more his tears fell. serim, now even more shocked, opens out his arms to hug woobin. but woobin immediately pushes it away and buries his face in his hands.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"i can't serim, we can't solve it" he manages to push out the words from his throat.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim has tears in his eyes too, but he remains confused. letting out a frustrated groan, he pulls woobin's arms in attempt to make the younger face him.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>raising his voice a little, he says to woobin, "but why can't we? you won't know unless you tell me. come on ruby, i'm sure we can-"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"because i like you. i fucking like you serim."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin bursts and cuts him off. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim pauses and tries to process what he just heard. his grip loosens on woobin's arm as he stares at him, unable to say a word.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>but woobin continues crying, and now more riled up, he continues, "that's why we can't fix it serim. i've been liking you for years now, i just didn't have the guts to tell you."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim lets out a big breath.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"so now that you have a boyfriend and that i helped play a part in it do you know how hard it was for me to keep everything in?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim's tears also start falling.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"and i hate myself. i hate myself for letting all of this happen when i could have stopped it. but what can i do, serim? you look so happy right now and i didn't want to ruin it"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>serim takes in a deep breath and tries to hold woobin's hand, "w-woobin... i'm sorry.... i truly am"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>woobin pushes the older's hand away, then shakes his head, "no, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being the asshole who let our friendship down the drain because of my personal feelings."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>he then stands up and wipes the remaining tears off his face, "and i'm sorry because i don't think i can continue doing this anymore. i'm sorry serim, i hope you'll continue being happy"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>with that, he grabs his bag and makes his way to the door, ignoring serim's calls.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>allen, who had heard everything, then comes out from the room and engulfs serim in a big hug.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>as soon as woobin stepped out of the house, he fell down to his legs, letting out another loud and frustrated cry. though his heart felt a little lighter, the ache remained the same. he clenches his fist and punches the ground beside him until the numbness of pain takes over his whole body.</i>
</p><p>"i guess i said it too late...." woobin mumbles once again.</p><p>"but i'm glad i did" </p><p>he takes a big breath in then pulls his hood over his head again. </p><p>11:59pm.</p><p>he closes his eyes as he lets the loud cheers and noise engulf him. he bites his lip as he lets the last tear fall from his face.</p><p>"5"</p><p>the crowd starts cheering loudly.</p><p>"4"</p><p>woobin clenches his fist.</p><p>"3"</p><p>he opens his eyes and looks up towards the sky.</p><p>"2"</p><p>he smiles to himself and takes in a deep breath.</p><p>"1"</p><p>letting out the breath, he feels all the feelings of sadness, uneasiness and discomfort go away too.</p><p>"HAPPY NEW YEAR"</p><p>the crowd cheers loudly and soon, claps and screams are everywhere.</p><p>the sky fills up with colourful fireworks, its crackling booms empowering all the cheers. woobin admires the little explosions in the sky and with the smile still on his face, he finally says,</p><p>"this year i will learn to let go of you, serim."</p><p>another loud explosion appears in the dark canvas as soon as he says that, earning an even bigger smile on his face.</p><p>he takes another big breath in and exhales,</p><p>"it's about time anyways. i deserve to be happy too"</p>
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